Catharsis
Catharsis is defined as the purification and purgation of emotions - particularly pity and fear - through art or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration. (Wikipedia, 2/26)
It's purification time...
This is going to have to qualify as art because I'm tired of the extreme emotional roller coaster that has been my life for the better part of 5 years now. My wife left me about that time. The first year was the worst, but to say that it has been good at any point since then would be stupidity. I'm not blaming her for leaving, I would have left sooner...or maybe I wouldn't have left at all. It's hard to say.
Consider this, I was a cheater, liar, drug abuser, emotional abuser, and I had a bitter heart. Those words hurt me to hear, to write, and to be told. Upon hearing them from my wife I became defensive. I am none of those things. I do use drugs, I have cheated, lied, manipulated her emotions, and harbored negative feelings toward her, but those things don't define me, right? We all may have heard some form of the saying "You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.", which I believe was said by Carl Jung. And if that's true, I was, am, all of those things.
Not one to let things go without complication, I have a desire to soften what I've done, to qualify in what way I was a cheater or liar. You'd understand if you could feel what I felt, live what I lived through...I could go on, of course, but who am I fooling? Who hasn't had it hard? Who doesn't have a story? Let the pendulum swing to the other side and I'm suddenly without compassion for myself or anyone else who is broken.
Here is where I have arrived, on this page, with you, confessing my brokenness. This is my story. I am choosing to share my story for my own sake, but I hope some of you will find some peace in hearing it. For those that wonder why their spouse would commit such atrocities, I can't imagine how you must feel. For those who have done similar acts, do not lose hope. For children whose world collapsed around them, it is not your fault.
This may be MY story, but I know we all have one, and if you feel so led, I would love to hear yours in whatever way you're willing to share it.
(A Broken) Father (and Husband)
It's purification time...
This is going to have to qualify as art because I'm tired of the extreme emotional roller coaster that has been my life for the better part of 5 years now. My wife left me about that time. The first year was the worst, but to say that it has been good at any point since then would be stupidity. I'm not blaming her for leaving, I would have left sooner...or maybe I wouldn't have left at all. It's hard to say.
Consider this, I was a cheater, liar, drug abuser, emotional abuser, and I had a bitter heart. Those words hurt me to hear, to write, and to be told. Upon hearing them from my wife I became defensive. I am none of those things. I do use drugs, I have cheated, lied, manipulated her emotions, and harbored negative feelings toward her, but those things don't define me, right? We all may have heard some form of the saying "You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.", which I believe was said by Carl Jung. And if that's true, I was, am, all of those things.
Not one to let things go without complication, I have a desire to soften what I've done, to qualify in what way I was a cheater or liar. You'd understand if you could feel what I felt, live what I lived through...I could go on, of course, but who am I fooling? Who hasn't had it hard? Who doesn't have a story? Let the pendulum swing to the other side and I'm suddenly without compassion for myself or anyone else who is broken.
Here is where I have arrived, on this page, with you, confessing my brokenness. This is my story. I am choosing to share my story for my own sake, but I hope some of you will find some peace in hearing it. For those that wonder why their spouse would commit such atrocities, I can't imagine how you must feel. For those who have done similar acts, do not lose hope. For children whose world collapsed around them, it is not your fault.
This may be MY story, but I know we all have one, and if you feel so led, I would love to hear yours in whatever way you're willing to share it.
(A Broken) Father (and Husband)
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